Door to Door Salesman

Last fall I'd taped a "No Soliciting" sign to the front door after the religious peddlers go too friendly, but paper signs don't hold up through an Indiana winter and I'd forgotten to print another one.
But I'll do it now.
Some dude came to the back fence gate while Kiddo and the boyfriend were hanging out on the patio.
Wanted to know if the parentals were home.
I peeked out of the blinds at him
Oh Geez. I stepped out the back door prepared to send the fine young man on his way.
He shoved a brochure into my hand and began his spiel - on 78 rpm!
He could have been hocking life insurance no medical exam, or two tickets to the great beyond. He was hopping up and down like a ferret on hot tar. Maybe he was raised to speak at tent revivals.
I couldn't absorb what was printed on the brochure because he was whipping a bottle of liquid and a cloth out of his duffle bag.
OK - you're selling cleaner - gotcha! (ya weirdo)
Then he unscrewed the top and LICKED the sprayer stem!
I was speechless, but I'm sure I made one of those acky faces.
He proceeds to wash one outside porch window. Kiddo says to let him keep going.
When he wipes it dry, he high five's me and says "fo' shizzle".
But wait - There's more!
When he asks what products I use, Kiddo laughs and tells him I don't clean.
Then he wants to know what stain in my house I would like him to clean. NONE-THANKYOU VERYMUCH... OK I really didn't say that. It was more like "Just stop now. I'm sorry. I don't have $34 dollars right now for this."
He yanks the brochure out of my hand, packs his stuff in his duffle bag and leaves.

Word to the wise here people: Don't talk at me, talk to me, and don't ever mention I should buy something so you can eat tonight or mention the fact that at least you're not selling drugs.
Oh and by the way: I'm an old redneck-hippie. I don't speak SnoopDogg.

The Happy Medium
Technorati Tag:salesmen
Technorati Tag:humor